Thursday, 14 December 2006

Santa Claus is a hitman

Recently I heard the hit "Santa Claus is Coming to Town". I listened to it
with my usual abandon until, for some reason, something about the song hit
me. I did some in-depth study of the lyrics and found their true meaning to
be quite alarming. So be warned! Santa Claus may not be as wonderful a ole
model for our children as we think. Here I have broken down the song so
that you can see the hidden meaning behind the lyrics.

"You better watch out"

This immediately puts the listener into a defensive mindset, implicating
that there is something he should de aware of that could cause him alarm.

"You better not cry
You better not pout
I'm telling you why"

This line seems to hint that this thing that is to be feared preys upon the
weak of character or the emotional individual, certainly not portraying the
sweet old man that society has painted of this legend.

"Santa Claus is coming to town"

This brings to mind a portrayal of a "bad boy" western film character who
roams from town to town creating havoc and mischief, and who's attitude
towards the citizens of said places is one of malevolence and ill will.

"He's making a list

Checking it twice;

Gonna find out who's naughty or nice."

A list of what? This line seems to imply that Santa Claus is in the process
of making a hit list, the victims fate based on the extremely vague term of
"naughty". This leaves the listener to wonder whether or not he has been
"naughty" in this what-looks-to-be-serial-killer's terms, seeing as the
word "naughty" is not clearly defined. This impresses a "who is next?" fear
in the listener.

"Santa Claus is coming to town"

Once again the impression of a big, bad and bold character who blows into
town at will to intimidate those weaker than him.

"He sees you when you're sleeping"

This, to be sure, is one of the more disturbing lines in the song, bringing
to mind an obsessed and somewhat twisted individual who mounts hidden
cameras in people's rooms to watch them in the helpless state of seep.

"He knows when you're awake"

Once again, this brings to mind a disturbed individual who watches your
every move to the point of knowing the exact time of your awakening and
retiring for the night.

"Hee knows if you've been bad or good

So be good for goodness sake"

Again, a threatening statement which implies that he is capable of
assessing your actions and applying his own set of moral standards, the
last line being an open-ended threat leaving the listener to imagine what
kind of horrible fate awaits those not compliant with this man's rules.

This, to be sure, is a much more violent and disturbing portrayal of the
character we all grew up thinking of as a harmless, fat old man who likes
to bring presents to little children for no apparent reason other than the
kindness of his own heart. Of course, being imprinted with this image since
early childhood we immediately connect the ideas in the song with innocent
connotations. But what if this song is actually the truth about Santa
Claus? A twisted serial-killer who hinds behind a fa├žade of innocence and
good-heartedness. To further simplify me idea, I have put the song's
inner-meanings into a condensed form.

You'd better watch out! (Santa Claus is to be feared.)

You'd better not cry!

You'd better not pout! (He preys upon the weak.)

I'm telling you why,

Santa Claus is comin' to town.

He's making a list (He is a serial-killer who makes hit lists.)

And checking it twice.

He's gonna find out who's naughty and nice. (And he's coming to
get you.)

Santa Claus is coming to town.

He sees you when you're sleeping. (Santa Claus is a pervert.)

He knows when you're awake.

He knows if you've been bad or good (And a stalker.)

So be good for goodness sake! (So be good... or else.)

And there you are! Be afraid of Santa Claus. And just a tip: always be wary
of over-analytical and paranoid people. They can be scary.

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