Friday, 5 September 2008

In the Mood...

...for ROCK.

There's nothing better than listening to some classic, REAL music for a change. Granted, i like a lot of progressive break groups like Hybrid, Way Out West and Shiloh, but nothing beats good ol' AC/DC!

After finally collapsing yesterday at around 4pm, i woke up around 5:30am and spent the morning watching old road movies like Smokey and the Bandit, and the Dukes of Hazzard.

Modern society has a lot to answer for, life used to be so much more fun back then. I'd give anything to drive a '69 Charger down the freeway at a million miles an hour, listening to loud music, instead, i can't afford the fuel bill for the Supra or the Skyline easily (hoorah for $12 a gallon fuel & 90% taxes), let alone the horror that would be a '69 Charger.

The pervasive and insidious nature of socialism has finally taken over, with governments handing out my hard earned tax money to those that dont deserve it, and the people that don't deserve it continuously bleat for more handouts to make their life easier. Not just in terms of benefits, but things like free healthcare. Systems like that just make it easy for people to take the piss with. My local hospital is full of immigrants that don't contribute one iota to society - they're leeches pure and simple.

Grr, i'm sick of politics and politicians. Over in the UK we have fuckwits like Gordon Brown "running" (or should that be ruining?) the country, pandering to every ethnic minority group and ignoring the indiginous populace. It seriously pisses me off. The citizens of this country are denied the right to own firearms to protect themselves from criminals, the streets thusly run rife with crime, i'm more likely to be stabbed to death by a 14 year old with a kitchen knife rather than die of old age. Why? Because local government and law enforcement is TOTALLY USELESS AND INEFFECTUAL.

If someone's stolen something, then you lock them up, take away their rights and privileges, give them basic meals, no frills - just to hammer it home to them that crime is NOT acceptable. Modern prisons are more like hotels, with rec rooms containing pool tables and tv's, dvd players and playstations - i'm sorry but *I* don't have any of those things, yet someone that's committed a crime is given those luxuries? What kind of twisted message is the government trying to send out?!

Anyway, rather than rant on all morning, i'm going to disappear in a minute to sort out other peoples problems (namely a certain laptop that i've been barked at to fix, despite having no inclination to do so, but i'm doing it anyway) and to help out and prep the hot dogs for the beer festival today. I don't relish that fact.

And yes, that was a rather obvious pun. Nyah! :D

Thursday, 4 September 2008

Too Early?

Okay, get this. It's 7:45am and its light enough outside to no longer need my desk lamp on. I'm running an inverted sleep pattern at the moment, so i've been waking up near to 6pm and going to bed around 8/9am in the morning. I really don't like it when this happens as i miss out on this stuff called Vitamin D, which comes from sunlight, although lately, theres not been much of that either, what with this shite weather.

So, i'm about 20 mins away from jumping in the shower, putting on my new shirt (who knew that you can buy style for only £5 in ASDA?), chugging down a gallon of steaming hot coffee with far too much sugar in than is healthy and heading off out in the car.

I know, driving isn't something you're supposed to do whilst wired or tired, but i'm throwing caution to the wind as i NEED to get to the bank this afternoon without fail and i can't afford to think 'i'll just have a nap' because the next thing you know, i'll be snoring, laying haphazardly across the bed and yet again, time gets one over on me.

Now it'd be nice if time was more flexible to MY needs, i mean really, banks could shut at 9/10/11pm, this arbitrary 5pm time is just nonsense!

*shakes fist at the sky out of some deep seated desire to make mother nature pay for her insolence*

I dread to think what i'll look like this afternoon, attempting to stay awake for 24 or 27 hours is never a pretty sight. Plus, sods law dictates that i'll only sleep 8 hours and feel like shit when i wake up....hows that for irony?

Argh. I'm rambling again. See, its a sign! That bed looks comfy, i'll just go and sit down on it for a minute....

Saturday, 21 June 2008

There's no place like home...

I'm feeling somewhat contemplative this morning. I'm not far off moving to London again, and while its been liveable here, i need to be near my friends, the London Underground, kebab shops, filth encrusted streets and rampant, unbridaled consumerism.

I keep wondering what i'll end up doing by the end of the year, although Security Work is well paid, i'm considering returning to my geeky roots. There are plenty of PC Worlds and such hiring nerds, and although it carries a certain stigma, i could tolerate being one of 'The Geek Squad'. I know, i know, it brings to mind the sort of people you'd expect to be lanky and pimply, devoid of social skills and sporting an intellect the size of Jupiter....oh and the glasses, those thick rimmed glass bottle type ones. You know what i mean. Stigma aside, for me, it'd be a walk in the park and wouldn't feel like work. I enjoy that sorta stuff. Wierd, aren't i? :)

Still, whatever i end up doing, as long as its in London, thats all i really care about. It's my home, and i dont think i want to leave. My brother on the other hand, can't wait to leave. He's sold his flat and is champing at the bit to get back to Canada. Will i be in his position 10 years from now? I'm skeptical that i'll think that, as theres a fundamental difference between us. The main one, is that he grew up in the countryside and migrated to London in his childhood, whereas i was born in 'ammersmiff. Sorry, Hammersmith. I grew up listening to police sirens, drunks at the bus stops, fights in the high street, and it all seemed normal to me.

When i went to stay over at my brothers before Christmas, the 'sound' of London was one thing i've missed living here. I felt unsettled until i heard a police car go past the flat, it's siren wailing into the distance. However, the universe sought to provide me with enough police sirens for a few month, as 6 police cars, an ambulance and a fire engine went past, all within the space of 2 hours. At that point, i lay back on a beanbag and thought to myself 'i'm home'....and cracked a wry smile at the thought of living there once more.

I should make more of an effort to post things here, a lot of the time though, i lack inspiration. Hopefully, this will change soon.

Friday, 22 February 2008

Being british...

Being British is about driving in a German car to an Irish pub for a Belgian beer, then travelling home, grabbing an Indian curry or a Turkish kebab on the way, to sit on Swedish furniture and watch American shows on a Japanese TV.

And the most British thing of all? Suspicion of all things foreign!

Only in Britain can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

Only in Britain do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

Only in Britain do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries and a DIET coke.

Only in Britain do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

Only in Britain do we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

Only in Britain do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

Only in Britain are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.


3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after Xmas cracker-pulling accidents.

18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E; in the last two years after trying to open bottles of beer with their teeth...

5 Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out-of-control Scalextric cars.

And finally...

In 2000 eight Brits were admitted to hospital with fractured skulls incurred whilst throwing up into the toilet.

Monday, 28 January 2008

Early Morning Grumbles

I should post a little more often I think. Does me some good to get everything off my chest once in a while, rather than bottling it up. Granted, the last post i made was more of a rant than anything else, but, it needed to be aired.

I'm slightly less bitter and pissed now, although the contempt i hold for the girl in question hasnt changed. I still feel like i've wasted my life for the last 6 months and i'm ready to move past it i think, although it would be substantially easier if i could get this girl to actually fuck off and leave me alone. Seriously, she still begs me to be 'close friends' with her, wants to call me and talk to me when all i want, is for her to die horribly in a fire. No, thats too evil. Well, she can piss off and go use some other asshole as a crutch for her mental problems, i dont think i want to be involved in that way ever again.

Anyway, grumpiness aside, its quarter to 5 in the morning, its freezing cold outside and its not much better in here. Listening to some epic James Horner soundtracks (Star Trek III) and trying to keep myself busy enough until such time as i can enter the kitchen and make myself something for breakfast.

The fridge is looking decidedly bare at the moment, i fear some more shopping is in order. I've even run out of good melty cheese for toasties (Gouda), and only have expensive mature cheddar left. If that wasn't bad enough, the bovril jar has little more than dregs in the bottom, so i have to make that last as long as possible.

I'm still bored to death as well. Oh what i wouldnt give for a soldering iron and my old trunk-full of components...i really want to make a keypad start for the Supra for some reason...don't as me why, i just want to fiddle with stuff.

Speaking of the car, it's back in action, after all these months, the rebuild is complete and its running perfectly. Granted, in 500 miles i'll have to change the oil....and then after 1000 miles change it AGAIN but its the price i'm willing to pay to make sure nothing scores the bearings this time round. I *hate* rod knock.

I'm also going to start my modding too - shimmed wastegate for starters, then a set of coils from a Toyota Aristo (Lexus GS300 for those not up with JDM imports), as i want to get rid of the ugly coil pack that sits on top of the cam covers and change from simple wasted spark, to coil-on-plug ignition. The Lexus coils are far stronger and more durable than the 7M coilpack. The wonderful side effect of the whole mod, is that i can use the N/A cam covers, which look about a million times better than the Turbo ones, although thats simply because they say 'Toyota Twin Cam 24 Valve" on one side, and "3000" on the other side...

I've been offered a free respray on the car too. Well, not 100% free. If i supply the consumables (ie, the paint and thinners) and do the prep work (sanding) myself, then Ed's more than willing to do a 4 pack and lacquer for me. Thats primer, base coat, scratch coat, top coat and finish. Problem is, finding where the hell to get a gallon of Toyota 3E5 without ordering it from the US and paying heavy import duty on it. Stupid bloody government....*trails off into mumbling*

Wednesday, 12 December 2007

Giving up on caring...

After the last few days i've had, i've not been entirely sure what to put here. It's not until now that i've been clear headed enough to write something, even if i am still marginally angry.

So i was in a relationship for the last 5 months....i say was, because i was dropped last week in a very ungainly fashion by the girl i was in love with and would have done anything for because.....she was in love with my best friend all along. Seeing him and thinking 'i dont have a chance' and then seeing my stupid mug and thinking 'but i have with his friend' is rather a short and cruel way of putting it, but you know what, life is cruel and short - so deal with it or stop reading.

You may have guessed i'm still angry. Wouldn't you be?

Anyway, despite this happening, my mate was informed of this by the girl in question and he's been wierded out by it. I'm all 100% A-OK with him, its not his fault, its the girl. In his opinion, he saw her as nothing more than a friend of his and MY girlfriend....he says he's not interested in her in that way so she got all emotional and morose...

I was enough of a nice guy to say 'i dont care, i still want you back' but i was still off the menu because i wasn't him. At least initially. Now i'm persona-non-grata because she has 'other things in her life to deal with, least of all a relationship'. Oh, well that makes everything SOOOO much better, doesnt it?

I hardly think so. I've been cheated. Lied to. I've been taken for a fool again and again and this is where i draw the line. Do i want to still be 'just friends' with this person? I dont know. I'd like to say yes, but after spending 5 months of your life waiting and pining over someone, spending 2 days in a hotel virtually inseparable from one another and getting 90% of the way towards having full blown sex - 'just friends' doesnt wash i'm afraid. Even the 'friends-with-benefits' angle is a little too wierd.

She called me again this evening, on my request, as i thought i stood a chance of getting back together with her and everything working out. From what was said, this is clearly not the case.
To console me further, it was alluded to that i was 'good' in bed and a 'good' kisser. Whoopee. No. Really. That helps a lot. Tell me i'm a good lover and then strip from me everything that makes me want to love anyone ever again.

A valuable lesson has been learned though, from my perspective, and also, i'm putting something into effect as of now: I'm too fucked off, too emotionally drained and too disillusioned to give much of a shit about anyone right now. Friends are fine, i'm talking about another relationship. For the meantime - i dont think i really want to form a relationship with anyone that could potentially hurt me like this again.

If whatever issues need to now be sorted out are so major - then they can't just have cropped up, can they? These must have been rolling around and around for months and yet, nothing was said to me the entire time. If i keep them as a friend, are they going to lie to me again? Are they going to keep important things from me? I can't honestly say. One thing is certain though - she's lost my trust completely. If she ever wants to earn it back, it's going to be HARD.

I'm the sort of person that'll give you a second chance, maybe a third, but if you fuck up after that, sorry, but you're too much of a waste of time and effort.

I'm sure that someone is going to read this and think 'suck it up' - well, try having your heart ripped out through your chest and handed to you with a big 'fuck you' notice stapled to it.

Don't get me wrong, i'm not giving up forever more, just the next few months or so before i bother trying again, and thats only *if* the situation arises, which i actually hope it doesnt.

For the record, i hate kids, marriage and (now, at least) the idea of being subservient to someone else so they can be happy.

Am i bitter? Yes. I have every fucking right to be.
I fucking hate people who lie, especially people that purport to care about you...

Friday, 9 November 2007

Well, i finally did it!

It's been a goal of mine since March, when i upgraded from my Dual Core Opteron 170 to my current Core2Duo E4300, to crank it to 3.2Ghz and have it stable. So far, my attempts have always stopped short of the mark. The most i've been able to get out of it is 2995 Mhz (333Mhz FSB x 9 ). Despite repeated attempts to get it stable at anything more than that, no matter the memory timings, vCore or vMem - it's been a no-go. I could get it to boot into windows at 340Mhz x 9, but again, Orthos would fail after a few seconds.

Recently though, i've re-visited the idea that its the motherboard itself holding me back, and not the CPU. The board i have at the moment, is an Asus P5B-E, a pretty standard enthusiast board, but no-frills in its execution. I bought it when it first came out, so i ended up with the unfortunate 1.1 PCB revision, so i cant increase vMem past 2.1v and vCore is limited, as well as there being no provision for altering the NB voltage. Shame really. The big problem with the board is that it suffers from HORRENDOUS vDroop.

For those of you that dont know what that is, basically, when you set the voltage in the BIOS, say 1.475v, you should end up at that voltage under idle, but load, you'd drop to around 1.46v. I was having to crank up the voltage in the BIOS to 1.5125v to get it to even BOOT at 3.2Ghz previously, but even then, CPU-Z and the BIOS's own hardware monitor reported the CPU at 1.474v. Under load, this dropped to 1.440v and was all over the shop - not exactly stable at all. Orthos did its usual 'BIG RED FAIL!' of course. So this time i scouted XtremeSystems and OCForums and found a mod for the regular P5B board (non 'E') - however, the P5B-E uses the same VRM Chip (ADP3198). Now, there are two ways of modding the board - one involves some pretty delicate soldering to the SMT resistors, one involves an HB pencil. Now, i dont have a soldering iron even REMOTELY fine enough to try the first method - so i went down the pencil route. It's easier to reverse if things go wrong anyway :)

So, i shade over the resistor until the top is almost totally blackened - making sure the pencil line is actually touching the solder on either end. Measured with a DMM, the resistance drops from 144k Ohm to a mere 60k Ohm. Everything got put back together, and i booted at the same settings as before. For a start, the voltage reported in CPU-Z and the BIOS hardware monitor was a LOT higher - a fair whack closer to what the actual value I *set* in the JumperFree Config.

So, i dropped the voltage down to 1.4750v and booted again. To my surprise once more, the system booted, entered windows, load temps had dropped and CPU-Z was reporting 1.464v as the idle vCore. So, i fired up Orthos, expecting it to immediately skitz at me....and it didn't. I'm still running Orthos - and after just over an hour - the load temp is 69*c (a little hot, but then its warm in here), but theres been NO errors. It looks stable!

"So, whats the load voltage?" you might ask. How does 1.456v sound to you? ;)

More testing is in order, i might even be able to drop the voltage a little bit more...

However, in conclusion - WOO and YAY.


Wednesday, 31 October 2007

"Hmm. Upgrades."

It's that time of year yet again. The last time i upgraded, was back in March. That was a big one, too - new CPU, new Motherboard, 2gb DDR2, new Graphics Card and another Hard Disk (i use them up in hours...).

Why have i waited this long? Well, prior to this month, theres been no real reason - the computer has performed flawlessly and run everything i've thrown at it. That is, until the BioShock, The Orange Box and Crysis came out. Well, the Crysis demo is out, and if thats any indication, i'm in serious trouble.

While i can play all three games at the native resolution of my widescreen (1440x900), both need to be tweaked to run adequately. In Half Life 2: Episode 2 / Team Fortress 2 / Portal, it's not as bad as i thought - sure the framerates drop to about 34/35fps in places, but the problem comes when you're in a firefight and the graphics card (currently an ATI Radeon x1950 Pro) cant handle everything. At that point, its like a slideshow. Bearing in mind thats with all the shiny stuff turned up to full, it's actually not that bad i guess.

BioShock also runs 'okay' at native res with most of the details turned on, but there are a lot of places where it lags badly and framerates start to plummet (mainly area's with heavy water effects).

Crysis is another story. It's pretty. VERY pretty. So much 'oooooh!' factor in it, from the water effects, volumetric lighting and day/night cycle through to the physics engine and the fact that you can destroy EVERYTHING! That has trouble even running on Medium with post-processing turned down to Low.

"Why not turn down the details?" you might ask. Well, if i did that, it wouldnt be as much fun as the previous games i've played. And it wouldnt. AA/AF make a load of difference, as does high quality textures. I bought this stuff for *wow factor* and now finally, theres a piece of software that makes my machine BEG for forgiveness. So it's time to do away with the weak, and replace it with the new.

What are my options then? Well, i need a new graphics card for starters. It just so happens that on the 29th, the GeForce 8800GT was released. Perfectly priced, brilliant performance (beats the GTS by shitloads) and i can have one for just $269.99!

With the money i've saved up so far, that gives me a little more money for other stuff as well. Unfortunately, it's not quite enough for a Quad-Core, or even a better Dual-Core (E6600 would be nice...), so i'm investing it in another 2gb memory kit. Takes me to 4gb memory - all perfectly matched sets of 1gb OCZ Gold GX DDR2 DIMM's. 4-4-4-12 timings at 2.0v. Mmmm. Yummy.

Now that still wont allow me to play Crysis at high detail - but it should make it a lot smoother and less of a slideshow at Medium/High settings.

I'm going to get both items from the US though - as i live in rip-off Britain. I'm going to get them through Chelsea, ie - give her the money, she buys them for me and then brings them over with her in her suitcase when she comes to visit me in London. Saves on delivery costs i suppose ;)

Wednesday, 18 July 2007

Losing weight, or is it merely an optical illusion?

think that hitting 25 years of age is beginning to mean something, physically at least.

In the last few days, i've been told by people that i seem to have lost weight. I dont keep track of my weight really, never been all that bothered. I can walk places, i dont wheeze when i walk and i'm generally happy being me.

This afternoon, I had lunch with the squeezably huggable Jennie, and she said that i've lost weight - and a fair amount of it since the last time she saw me a few weeks back, shortly after my birthday.

When i got back from lunch and looking round flats with her, i had a good long look in the mirror and it does seem that i have indeed lost a bit of weight. Not much, a few pounds maybe, but it's all good i guess.

I think one of the reasons for this is i can't eat anywhere near as much stuff as i once could. These days i'm fazed by a chicken caesar salad in a wetherspoons, or the pie i had last night down the fox. I simply cannoy manage large portions anymore. In days of old, i'd be at the burger van outside the Halfords in Enfield and be able to inhale a half pounder with cheese and onions, and still have room for another, or something else. Not so anymore. I had one of those very same burgers on sunday and i struggled to get even halfway through before feeling very full and very bloated.

It's a good thing i guess, it's just surprising how quickly onset it's become. I dont think i've changed my diet much over the last year, although i eat much more in the way of homous and pita bread than i used to, slightly more veg and less red meat (barring the joy of Steak day!).

Not having the use of the Supra has probably been a contributing factor. Before, i'd have driven everywhere, but now, i walk to southgate and palmers green without much thought. Previously, i'd have been in a cold sweat at the idea of not hooning down the road on full boost at 100+mph to get to the sainsburys deli counter before the bbq chicken wings were finished....

Aside from the physical changes, there have been mental changes afoot as well. At least i think there have been.

Has all this been caused just by turning 25, or is it that my outlook on life has been so drastically changed by one chance encounter that i'm willing to entertain idea's that i would have found unsavoury in the past?

Well, i'm still trying to figure that one out, but i'm glad it's happened. Things can only get better from here on out....

Thursday, 5 July 2007


I'm seriously fed up of women judging me by the way i look. Okay, its no secret i'm hardly worthy of being placed on the front cover of GQ magazine, thing is, i am the way i am, i'm not going to change appearance just to fit into the 'accepted norm'. I've been large ever since i was 9, i'm happy as i am.

I have a nice personality, i'm kind, generous and affectionate, yet women taking one look at me and think how horribly different i am from the 'body beautiful' figure that's been drilled into their skulls - and being different has become synonymous with BAD.

It's not bad at all - we're not all clones of each other, we're individuals, we come in ALL SHAPES AND SIZES.

Stop being so fucking perfectionist and searching for something unobtainable - be more realistic in your goals.

I don't go and woo or bother messaging 'super hot' chicks, simply because they'd never be seen with the likes of me (despite the occasional protest to the contrary - come on love, who are you trying to fool?), and cause i have no realistic chance of even saying 'hi' over coffee. Not to say i only woo 'mingers', far from it.

Let me tell you something ladies - you can be attractive without having to be thin. There was a time when voluptuous women were considered preferable to stick figure women - oh how times have changed!

So come on girls - be more realistic in your aspirations and come ask for a cuddle, i'll be more than happy to oblige. Then you get a slice of cake. Aaah sweet bribery...